Diablo III – 1.0.4 Patch Preview! Now Even Easier To Get Carpal Tunnel!

Wow! Because everyone complained and the complaints uncovered unknown issues that YEARS of development didn’t uncover, Blizzard will be making even more changes to a broken system in hopes of making it right!

If you haven’t heard about the new changes coming in this patch let me highlight them for you.

• Magic and Gold Find will no longer be average across a party, my magic find % is mine, F**** your sh**** gear.
• In Co-op games monster health will be an additional flat 75% and not a scaling 75/85/95/110% like it is now.
• Because encountering a Champion or Elite pack makes some of you sh** your pants, their going to lower the difficulty of those particular monsters (10-25% lower health in inferno). Lastly, because you can face roll normal monsters; they will, however buff normals (5-10% extra health in inferno). That doesn’t make sense does it?
• Because of all of “buffing” of normal monsters, they are going to increase the chance that a normal monster will drop a magical or rare item by a factor of four. We all know how that worked out the last time they “increased” item drops with the last patch.
• Since there is nothing more curse inspiring than a mob spawning arcane, shielding, and fire chains at the same time to slowly rape you, their going to fix that.
• As you gain carpal tunnel from all of the p0intless farming for the RMA (Real Money Action House) they’re going to help you get items with higher DPS rates. Weapons with level 61 or 62 have a chance to roll the same raw damage as a weapon of level 63. Pretty nifty
•  If you’ve ever been raped repeatedly by “Enraged” and “Heal Back To Full” monster packs, fear not your sphincter will be safe after the new patch! Those behaviors will be gone!
• They are also going to lower the ball busting repair cost of high end items by 25%. I’m glad they realize that all of the time it takes to farm items and then repair them eats into the huge profit margins that I create while playing this game.
• Lastly they promise class skill improvements and improvements to legendary items

This does sound fine and good, but I wonder at what point will the game become a mindless hack’n'slash so similar to Diablo II. If you remember correctly, the items were plentiful and the bosses were meaningless. Either way, this game doesn’t have a whole lot of meaning either. It’s just a great way to kill time.

Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to find this item after the next patch?

About the Author: AngryAsian

Executive Producer for NewbCast Gaming. Used to get payed to party, but now hates going to clubs. Ordained 10/14/2012 shoot me an email if you want me to officiate your wedding = D